Abnormal

I’ve been under a lot of stress for the past couple months – regular holiday stuff, my 30th birthday, return to grad school, work, wedding planning … and some abnormal test results.

I went in for my yearly womanly exam on December 2nd, then a couple weeks later received that self-addressed letter in the mail. I’ve been doing this for a dozen years already, and always got that same form letter: blah blah blah normal blah blah.

This year, I was stunned to see a different word jump out at me - my pap came back ABNORMAL. The doctor added a hand-written note to call her office as soon as possible to schedule a colposcopy.

Well, as bad news usually does, the letter came on Friday – too late to call the doctor and find out what in the world this meant. Thank God for the internet – we spent hours studying up on all the possibilities. And there were dozens of them.

It could be nothing – just a bad sample – but could also be an infection, STD, or the big one – cancer.

I had to wait for four weeks to get an appt for the procedure. There were some days I didn’t even think about it – forced myself to realize there was nothing I could do about it, and no sense in making myself crazy with worry.

Other days were not so good. There were a couple mornings I cried in the shower or on my way to work. What if I did have cancer at 30? My life – particularly the past couple months had been magnificent – I’d gotten engaged to my long-time boyfriend, got a new car, started going to church, and was doing great in school – what a shock for something like this to happen... And my biggest concern: what if this thing prevented me from having kids?

A month later, under a high powered microscope and with some vinegar solution, the doc found 2 abnormal “spots” on my cervix - she took biopsies of these 2 spots, as well as an ECC. It was very uncomfortable and crampy, but the physical discomfort was nothing compared to the emotional agony I had been in for the previous month.

Seven more days of waiting for the test results. I had my conference with the dr on Friday ... I’m fine. The dr said that all three biopsies showed dysplasia - basically cancerous cells had developed on my cervix - but they are already in the process of healing themselves. Yeah, did you know that you could develop cancerous cells and that your body could start fighting them without even having a symptom? I was fascinated also.

I have been blessed with this outcome - for a wake-up call of sorts. I have to go back for a follow-up in 6 months, but the main thing I can do is to start taking better care of myself – keep not-smoking, drink less, avoid stress (ha!), eat better, start exercising, and keep the sex within our "closed unit". My heart goes out to all of you who have experienced similar or more unfortunate circumstances. I'm not out of the woods just yet, but I am grateful for this opportunity to re-prioritize my life.