FW: Mother of the bride dress

As my own wedding day fast approaches, I really appreciated this humorous little email forward:

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had
found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed
mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young
girlfriend had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her future mother in law to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously responded, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding!"

How smart is your right foot?

THIS is weird. Try to outsmart your right foot.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!

Here's to us!

I heard this toast on Jenny McCarthy's new show tonight - Party at the Palms. Yes, I watched it. Yes, she's hot. And hilarious. And yes, the majority of the show was devoted to girl on girl lap dances. Jealous much? Anyway, here's the toast:

Here's to the men that we love.
Here's to the men that love us.
But the men that we love will never love us,
So fuck all the men
Here's to us!

Anyone like to share a favorite toast?

Drunk girl eats kraut car

Pop quiz time!

Texas Biscuit holds which of the following Yahoo honors?
(A) #6 for "drunk girl stories"
(B) #4 for "man eats car"
(C) #1 for "how to can sour kraut"
(D) All of the above

Of course it's D. Wow, I'm really going places in the blogosphere. Right up the success ladder. Moving and shaking. Shaking my drunk sour kraut man loving booty all over the place. Woot.

Overdrafts and eBay

There are few things worse for me than eagerly awaiting a paycheck, only to find that once it is deposited, my bank account is still practically negative. Between the direct deposit advances and the overdraft fees from those bounced checks, about 80% of last week's paycheck was just eaten up. It's barely past payday and I'm still broke. Ugh. What a miserable feeling.

How could this happen?! Well, after paying for my summer tuition, and a couple of slightly irresponsible money decisions in the past couple months, things were not looking good. As you may or may not have experienced, every once in a blue moon it becomes necessary to bounce a check. It's a calculated bounce, and sometimes that is better than say, going without cable or internet for 2 weeks! Wha-- MY priorities are messed up? Bah!

Anyhoo, I wrote the check and 2 days later as expected it cleared the bank - along with the stupid overdraft fee. And then came a rogue check for an embroidered work shirt I'd written about a month ago, and another one from an out of town dinner, and a gas fill up charge up I'd forgotten about. And unfortunately the list goes on. Eight overdraft fees, EIGHT! At $33 bucks a pop, plus the actual check amount. Yeah, you do the math. Painful.

So I this week I decided to do a little housekeeping. eBay is my friend. I've made lots of great purchases on eBay, but more importantly, about once a year I'll clean out drawers and closets and make a little cash. This particular eBay adventure included a ton of books and DVDs, some exercise equipment, and some jewelry I seldom wear. So far I'm up about $140 bucks, and still have 4 days left on the books. Hooray for eBay and immediate payment through PayPal!

Jezebel

I guess this is what I get for leaving my underwear drawer open!
She's been sleeping there all day. Ah, a Saturday in the life of my Jezebel.

True friends

I received this forward today, its an oldie but a goodie. I especially love #8.

Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.


Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

FW water gardens

The Fort Worth water gardens hold a special place in my childhood memories. My parents used to take me there every summer when we'd head up north to visit my grandparents in Arlington. I fondly remember throwing pennies into the pools for good luck and climbing around on the non-fountain concrete blocks surrounding the park.

When TBF and I were in the area last weekend we accidentally stumbled upon the water garden district and peeked in to reminisce.

It was a disappointing experience. The main gardens (shown in the picture above) were fenced off with a 7-foot chain link fence. There were no water falls or fountains, in fact the only water in sight was the murky sludge that had accumulated in the bottom pool.

I've since discovered that this main pool is where a 12-year old girl from Chicago, two of her friends, and their father drowned just over a year ago. They were in town for a church convention. The girl slipped and grabbed her friend and they both tumbled into the water. The boy and his father jumped in to save the girls, but all four were immediately sucked underneath the surface. The depth of the pool was over 11 feet. They were all dead by the time paramedics were able to pull their bodies from the pool.

The families of the victims have received a cash settlement, and studies have been commissioned to determine the problems in the gardens and how to remedy them. The city hopes that the water gardens can be renovated and reopened as early as this fall.

The Fort Worth water gardens of my memory are a architecturally spectacular display - layers of concrete blocks, rushing waterfalls and calm pools. They are a wonderful location for families to wade, splash, picnic, and cool off from the Texas heat.

I tossed a penny in the fountain and wished that Fort Worth is able to upgrade the safety features of the gardens and reopen them soon.

Willie, Dylan, and Kelly

Willie's 4th of July Picnic was fabulous as expected - in fact the whole weekend was a lot of fun. I took Friday off work and we headed up to Dallas. We stayed with TBF's best friend who greeted us with a ice chest full of beer, an enormous brisket that he'd been smoking for 24 hours, and buckets full of homemade potato salad - so you can guess how we spent the rest of the night. On Sunday we went to some friend's daughter's birthday party - she's 1 year old. They were one of those married couples who had successful careers and didn't want kids, but surprise! They have completely taken to parenting and are so happy - it was a happy day for all of us.

So Monday was the concert. We headed out to the Fort Worth stockyards around 4pm. My pics didn't turn out too well (unless you like to see the back of people's heads!). In the above you can see a teeny tiny portion of the people that were there. There were two stages and they alternated performances on each. It was hot as hell until the sun went down, but the evening was fantastic. Willie was great as always, but Bob Dylan stole the show. Hearing him perform Shooting Star in person ... absolutely incredible. I'll tell my kids about it one day. The show finished up around 1am with Willie, Los Lonely Boys, and a great fireworks show.

On Tuesday we all went out for mexican food, did some touristy stuff, and ended the afternoon with a tour of the Texas Rangers Ameriquest baseball field in Arlington. Here's a great pic from the press box. We also got to hang out in the Ranger's dug out, their batting practice area, work out gym, and owner's suite. It was a perfect day for a baseball game, but sadly had to get home for work.

Last night TBF took me to the Kelly Clarkson concert - her Behind These Hazel Eyes tour. Mock me if you must, but it was a damn fine concert. I just love this girl - she is so cute. She came off on stage exactly like you might've seen her on AI or on TV interviews - completely honest and fun loving.

The only disturbing part was the enormous number of tweens dressed in short flippy skirts and strappy tank tops. Don't get me wrong, they looked great - if they were 18. My parents would've beat the snot out of me if I tried walking out of the house showing that much leg when I was 13. Some of them wore more eye makeup than I do now!

However, everyone was having a great time and it was fun to be there. But more than anything I was happy to be 30 - out of high school, not worrying about cliques and having the newest cell phone or whatever the brand name jeans are these days. I was happy to sip a glass of wine in the lobby before the show and not worry if the bartender would ID me. And most of all I was happy to be in a committed relationship and not going through any of those idiot relationships that teenagers go through. Great concert, good reminder of the benefits of being older.

Happy 4th

TBF and I are headed to Dallas to spend the weekend with friends.
On Monday we're going to Willie Nelson's 32nd Annual Fourth of July Picnic at the Fort Worth stock yards. 20,000 folks expected.
Willie + Bob Dylan + Los Lonely Boys and about 30 other performers.
Not looking forward to the 100 degree temps, but it gave me an excuse to get that straw cowboy hat I've been wanting for years. Should be fun!
I hope you all have a fabulous Independence Day.
I'll drink a $6 beer for ya!