Breakup (?) update

I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted. My apologies! And again, thank you soooo much for all your kind comments and emails. They have helped me through some tough days. :)

So here is what is new with me and TB"F": Neither of us moved out of the apartment the week of the breakup, which turned out to be a good thing. It didn't take long for the anger to pass and the sadness and regret to set in, and we started talking again - about the good and the bad things - about where we went wrong and what could be improved upon.

He suggested that we give couples counseling a whirl before just throwing away the past 6 years of our lives together (the 6-year anniversary of our first date was about a week after the break up - can you believe HE remembered the date?!). At the time I figured at the very least counseling would bring resolution to the relationship and maybe give us some pointers and skills for moving on. What could we lose?

So last night we attended our 3rd session with a pretty good marriage and family therapist. And... I'm completely amazed how far we've come.

During the past 3 weeks not only have we disected the conversation that led to the actual un-engagement (and how I "heard" something completely different than what he "said" that night), but we've also openly addressed our pattern of dysfunctional communication. We've developed a list of mutual "fighting rules", and were able to put them into practice this week (OMG - they worked! A pretty serious incident that normally would have sent us on an I'm-pretending-that-you-are-a-total-stranger spree for 3 days was resolved -happily!- in half an hour). And we are continuing to work on a list of expectations for the relationship (communication, home, employment, sex, children, finances, spiritual, leisure etc).

Again, I am just shocked at how much more optimistic I feel after only a few weeks. I'm not 100% re-committed to the relationship just yet - the engagement ring is still in the jewelry box, I've scouted out some new apartments, and am considering a new position that wouldn't have been available if we moved to Austin in December in planned - however, that being said, things are definitely looking up.

Thanks again for your support. And for all those incredible heartache songs. My iPod loves you all. And if anyone ever needs to wallow in some painful songs (and I hope that you don't!), boy, do I ever have the ultimate playlist.

I like you

Hi all. Thanks for your continued thoughts, concerns, and well wishes. It means the world to me. Basically, TBF and I called off the engagement last Monday, and we've been struggling with that for the past 10 days. But I'm doing pretty good now.
I'll write a longer post with a few more details later this weekend.

But for now, a little message for all you wonderfully supportive folks out there:

I LIKE YOU!

Top 5 heartache songs

In honor of John Cusak's High Fidelity, please give me your top 5 (or 3? or 1?) breakup / heart ache/ heart break songs of all time.

Please.

Darth, Vegusgustan, Arethusa, SaltWindFire, and Ian - my music muses - I'm looking at you guys for an immediate painful response. I've been listening to Azure Ray, Antony & the Johnsons, Jennifer Nettles, U2, Police, Barry Manilow, Nirvana, country shit all night. But I need a little bit more. A heartache mix from my friends. More background info on why soon, I promise.

Poor piggy

This is what my piggy bank looks like! Ha!

I stopped by the library and picked up Chamber of Secrets on my way home from work on Friday and finished it by 10pm on Saturday. Woohoo! I believe I liked it even better than the first one. Although it helped that I hadn't seen the movie, which left more of the character and possible plot development to the imagination! I tried to get Prisoner of Azkaban yesterday, and even though the library catalog said it was in, no one could find it. Boo.

So I choose a couple of 7-day books: Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven and Speak Softly, She Can Hear by Pam Lewis. I'm not overly impressed with the Albom book so far (just got through the first person), but it's so short I'm going to finish it anyway. People raved about Tuesday's with Morrie (I never read it), so hopefully this will be just as good.

Help Jayde

Yesterday I posted a heartbreaking story about a child who died in a hot car. This morning I watched a beautiful story on the Today show about a Seattle photographer who helps families of terminally ill children. So when I got an email from a co-worker about an infant who suffered a stroke at birth and needs physical therapy, well I felt like I needed to share her story with you.

This is 14 month old Makaylie Jayde Garcia. Jayde has a mutated gene called Factor V Leiden. This caused her to suffer a stroke at birth and she has limited use of her left hand and arm (left hemiparesis). She needs to go to therapy for 21 days in Birmingham. The cost of the therapy is $15,000 plus travel and expenses. Because their insurance company will not cover these costs, they are asking friends and family to help out with the expenses. I don't know Jayde or her family personally, but you can click here to learn more about Jayde's condition, her parents, to see more pics, or to donate funds for her treatment.

Forgotten baby dies in car

As reported in our daily paper today:

A mother's horror turned to a grave reality just before 6 p.m. Wednesday when she stopped to pick up her 1-year-old son from Madison's Place Day Care.

According to police, day care employees told the mother they had not seen Joseph Duemer - born July 15, 2004 - all day, and he had not been checked into the facility.

The mother returned to her vehicle to find Joseph dead in the back seat, said Lubbock police spokesman Lt. Roy Bassett. "He was in the back seat and had been back there all day," Bassett said.

It appears that the mom left the house at 8am, intending to take her son to daycare, but somehow forgot about the child and went straight to work. She went to pick the kid up at the daycare after work, but of course he'd never been dropped off. She went back to her car and found him - still strapped into his car seat - dead. He'd been in the windows-up car for 8 hours in 93 degree Lubbock heat.

The DAs office isn't sure if they are going to file charges yet. The police dept is saying it was unintentional, but does that make it forgivable?!!! I have no doubt she'll be on one of our probation caseloads in less than a year.

The death of any child is absolutely heartbreaking. Even more so in this situation when a loved one is to blame. I can't imagine the pain that either parent is undergoing tonight (or for the next 20 years). You always hear statistics that marriages rarely last after the death of a child. Can you imagine this couple's chances when the mother is actually responsible for her 1-year old's death??

Crackhead

I did an intake with an offender recently who has a drug problem. He's a white male in his 30's. He began drinking about 10 years ago to cope with the pain of a devestating divorce. He said he never really took to liquor or beer, and decided to give powder cocaine a whirl. He took to it. He said at his peak was snorting up to 1/4 oz per night. Then at the suggestion of a friend, he switched over to crack (sadly he was trying to get this friend to stop shooting up, so they agreed to compromise by smoking the shit). He totally and completely took to it. He admitted that he would smoke on average $200 worth of crack a night, and at his peak would spend up to $1000/night. Incredible. I just don't get it.

Oh Blogger, I've saved and published revisions on this post five times now. You keep reverting to the original draft. I'm getting tired of re-typing these changes!! What is going on?!!

Time travel

Last night I finally finished Audrey Nieffenegger's Time Traveler's Wife. One word: FANTASTIC! I started boo-hooing as soon as Henry went out to the front porch to start saying his good-byes. Oh man, I was crying so hard that I think TBF was wondering if someone in my own family had died! *

Anyway, I really enjoyed the sequencing of the story as Henry travels back and forth across the years, yet Clare manages to stay put - pleading with him not to leave yet patiently awaiting his return. Very well written and easy to follow. I also enjoyed the frequent change in voice to express both Henry and Clare's points of view. I'm not into sci fi at all, but this time travel book had a riveting plot and beautiful love story.

My only disappointment was that Clare was STILL waiting at the end. I mean, I get that he was the love of her life, but after Henry gave her his blessing to move on, I was hoping she'd continue her art career and have a bundle more kids (with anyone but dirty Gomez that is). I was sadened that at 82 she was still waiting... Nonetheless, I really enjoyed the story itself, and highly recommended it (for the two of you out there who haven't read it yet)!

*Speaking of death, first Nate, then Henry. And did you see the newest Real World (yeah, I usually don't watch, but it's an Austin-thing)? Danny's mother died. Jeez.

Alas! Ear wax!

This weekend I finished my first Harry Potter book - yep, just finished The Sorcerer's Stone in 2005. Yikes. After all the hubbub from the most recent release of the 6th book, and trying to avoid reading anything that spoiled who died, I decided to go ahead and give the series a whirl - from the beginning.

No, I can't really explain how or why I managed to go eight years without ever getting started on J.K.Rowling's series. I think more than anything else I was shocked by how many bloggers were reading it. Okay, I'll admit it, I'm a little late but I'm now a follower of Harry, Ron, and Hagrid!

I'll get Chamber of Secrets this week. I've heard a couple of folks say the 4th book (Goblet of Fire) isn't so great, and I only have a limited amount of time before classes start this fall and I have to re-commit to textbook reading. Should I skip that one? Any other Harry Potter knowledge I need to be aware of before continuing my Hogwarts journey?

Obituary

SIX FEET UNDER SPOILER AHEAD!!!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!




O.M.G. I can't believe he died.

Okay, so we know it is the last season of Six Feet Under. And especially since the last few weeks have been relatively bland, we guess that the show has got to end in a big mess of death and upheaval and confusion. So, I've been working on my own endings: Last night I was completely prepared for Ruth to get attacked by the cougar while she was camping. I've suspected all season that crazy Billy would come back and strangle Clare to death. I even considered that the oldest adopted boy would off Keith in a fit of rage. But this?! Oh, I never would've guessed. Poor Maggie... Well at least Nate died happy - I'm glad he told Brenda how he felt and that they weren't going to work out. I guess he really was "tired of fighting". Literally tired of fighting for his life...

How will the writers ever resolve this?! Pregnant Brenda. No mom OR dad for Maya. Clare is going to lose her mind, but at least she'll have the new stable boyfriend. And Ruth, oh poor Ruth - the one time she did anything crazy in her life and she didn't even get to see her son before he died. Oh, my stomach hurts just thinking about it.